All the Single Ladies (I Don’t Want a Ring on it Right Now)

I just read (ok listened to the audiobook while driving to and from Tulsa this past weekend) Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and it was… different than I expected. I really enjoyed it, though. I assumed that since Aziz (what up, Tom from Parks and Rec!) was the creative mind behind the project, it would be an endless string of hilarious anecdotes about the trials and pitfalls that people go through trying to find love in the modern age. It was hilarious (and there were a few stories that had me chuckling in the car) but it was also so informative! There was so much research! This is a serious book!

Nothing in this book was new to me since I am currently trying to navigate the often frustrating world of modern romance, but it was still really interesting and it made me think a lot about my (currently lack of) love life, dates I’ve been on, ‘bing-bongs’ I’ve been around (his term, not mine, even though it is now a regular part of my daily vocabulary), and reasons why I do and don’t like being single. Oh. Can you feel that? Can you feel the list coming on? Yeah, here comes a list.

Reasons I Love Being Single:

• I eat what I want! No buying gross mushrooms at the grocery store just because my hypothetical boyfriend likes them. Yuck. I can also eat whatever food I want in a judgement free zone. 
• I can hang out with friends any time I want! No checking in, no making sure my significant other is ok with it, I just go!
• I do hang out with friends any time I want! No being ‘that girlfriend’ who disappears just because she has a boyfriend and only pops back in when said boyfriend is out of town/they had a fight.
• The entire closet is ALL MINE! I don’t understand how people share a closet. Seriously.
• Decorations in my apartment really reflect my style and personality (hello llama blowing bubbles in a frame hanging in my living room…)
• I can travel whenever/wherever I want! Last minute trip to somewhere awesome? Sign me up! One ticket, please! 
• Life seems a little cheaper. Only one mouth to feed. Only one person using electricity. Only one plane ticket for that last minute trip.
• Nobody to see me ugly cry when there is bad news/something sad. (I’m not a cute crier. It’s not pleasant.) 
• Life is one big open adventure! Would I be able to pick up and move to a new state in two weeks if I was in a serious relationship? Probably not.
• I meet SO MANY people! Real talk- there are a lot of good looking gentlemen here in Texas and it’s real fun to get to know all these bing-bongs! (See, look at me using that word. It’s fun, right?!?) 
• My Netflix, my choice. Gilmore Girls for the 673rd time? Don’t mind if I do!
• Nobody is taking their sweet time in the bathroom getting ready but me.
• No complicated holiday plans. Where should I go celebrate Thanksgiving? My parent’s house, duh.
• So much time to focus on me/my career/my goals/whatever the heck I want without anyone else to consider. 
• I get the entire bed to myself! Starfish city, population: me.
• I get to fly by myself 95% of the time. I really enjoy my solo airport time. I can sit and read and not feel rude for choosing a book over conversation with the person next to me.
• I don’t have to try and be interested in sports just because the guy I’m dating is REALLY into basketball. I just don’t care about basketball and I like it that way.

Reasons I Hate Being Single:

• The obvious reason- I get lonely sometimes. Living by myself is great, but sometimes it is nice to have someone right there to talk to. I still talk in my apartment, but now it’s just to myself. Maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that…
• Bugs. Gross bugs in my apartment. Yes, I DO want a man to get rid of these bugs for me. Gross.
• All the small talk texts you send when you first meet someone are the worst. And all the waiting games that go along with that. And all the dumb things you say on your phone that you would never say in real life. 
• Life would potentially be cheaper. Yes there are two mouths to feed, but there are also potentially two incomes to share the rent/expenses that I’m currently paying solo.
• Nobody to simply sit with me when there is bad news/something sad and I’m ugly crying. (Friends have been really great and supportive on the phone, but you know what I mean.) 
• No built-in date for weddings. I love getting to see friends get married, but I’m over the whole ‘bouquet toss’ thing. In fact, I refused to go up for it at the last wedding I went to in the fall. I’ll also probably refuse at the wedding I’m going to in a few months. #sorrynotsorry
• Third wheel status. ‘Nuff said. 
• Dating, or even just thinking about dating, is exhausting. So much awkward small talk and repeating the same stats/interests/anecdotes over and over again. I’ll often have a little reward waiting at home just for making it all the way through a date. Probably not the best system, but whatever.
• Nobody else to take turns driving on a long trip and help sing really cool songs. 
• First. Date. Nonsense. It’s nice to get a free cup of coffee every now and then, but if I have to try and make my grandma hobbies sound cool one more time… (#crochet4life)

This blog post was brought to you by How I Met Your Mother (jk). But thinking about the single life and dating and marriage makes me want to watch the show again. Although, this show makes me cry SO MUCH, so it’s probably a good thing there isn’t anyone around to see that happening!